Seriake Dickson and the ‘enemy’ camp

KOKO: Are you following what is going on in Bay­elsa?

Kaka: Yes o, Governor Seriake Dickson is coasting home to a second term.

Koko: That is prejudicial or something.

Kaka: Are we in court, or how did prejudicial come into this matter?

Koko: Well, election has not even been held and you are already counting the votes, that is pre-something.

Kaka: But the man has done well in his first term and it is a report card that a teacher uses to promote a pupil to the next class.

Koko: Is this some sort of campaign? You are not even eligible to vote in Bayelsa. Don’t be like Lagos journalists who sit in the cosy confines of their offices in Lagos and decide who will win elections in states they know little or nothing about.

Kaka: Shhhhh, be careful there. We are borrowing a journalist’s space here, one that just came back from Bayelsa too.

Koko: Hmmmph, ok. So , Governor Dickson will get a second term?

Kaka: I can almost swear.

Koko: Can you also swear that the governor is not ‘aralditic’?

Kaka: Is that like something related to ‘Araldite’, a brand of strong adhesive?

Koko: Yeah, the man does not share the money in spite of being a PDP man.

Kaka: Excuse me, are you insinuating that PDP is all about sharing the money?

Koko: Excuse you, are you saying you have not no­ticed that ‘everywhere is dry’ since APC…?

Kaka: Sharraaap! Get back on track or I will adjourn this session.

Koko: Ok, no need to burst an artery. This is still about Bayelsa and how Governor Dickson does not share-the-money.

Kaka: In other words, good governance is synony­mous with sharing money?

Koko: Yes now, how can you empower people if you don’t give them money? How can you change their lives if you don’t change their bank balances?

Kaka: So, Dickson should have opened the till and let everybody spend the money?

Koko: Why not, if the money is in the till?

Kaka: I put it to you that you are a thief, a robber, a public till looter.

Koko: Me? I will sue you in every court in the land for defamation, slander, libel, even murder?

Kaka: I’m so afraid right now I think I’m going to pee in my new designer boxers. But who did I murder?

Koko: My name and character which I have built over the years.

Kaka: Which name? Which character? People like you should be jailed first and tried later .

Koko: What do you mean by people like me?

Kaka: People who believe the performance of governors should be measured by how much money they share with their cronies.

Koko: You will hear from my lawyers before the close of business tomorrow.

Kaka: Your lawyers should also be disbarred and jailed.

Koko: This is a democracy. You cannot do such things.

Kaka: Really? So, democracy is not about provid­ing amenities for the people who voted in a gover­nor. It is not about leaving a state better than you met it? For instance, you are saying building a School of Tourism, Catering and Hospitality Management is not as good as grabbing millions from the till in Yenagoa and giving it to sycophants who are loyal only to their tummies?

Koko: What is wrong with being loyal to one’s stomach? Don’t answer that. So, what’s the big deal about building a school of tourism? The man should have built another university . That’s what’s in vogue.

Kaka: Are you being mischievous now or you have malaria? What’s the point of a higher institution if it turns out graduates that are not skilled in anything real?

Koko: You have a point there. I am actually al­lergic to the moaning of graduates of philosophy who want to work in the oil and gas sector and those who read Yoruba but don’t want to be teachers. I agree it is easier to find a job if your expertise is in catering and hospitality management. You can even be self employed. So, does this school really exist or it is just a model in a glass casing?

Kaka: The project has been completed and is awaiting commissioning. It was awarded in February 2013 and it is a two-storey facility that was originally designed as a private hotel, but due to its location and enabling environment for the training of stakeholders in the yet to be explored tourism sector, the structure was acquired from the owner by the state government.

Koko: Ok, I can tick that as an achievement but that doesn’t mean I’m shifting my position on the sharethe-money angle.

Kaka: There is also the Bayelsa state-owned di­agnostic centre, a world class, one-stop center for all medical investigations, from MRI, PET Scan, Mam­mogram, CT SCAN, digital x-ray, Echo car­diology, haematology, chemical pathology to DNA extraction, latent and finger prints, toxicology…

Koko: Oook, that is enough. That must have cost the state an arm and a leg.

Kaka: You see why the man couldn’t come up with funds for your brand of governance, the kind that has no NAFDAC number.

Koko: I’m still suing you on Monday.

Kaka: Go on. If you don’t sue me, how will your lawyer pay his children’s school fees?

Koko: You think my lawyer is cheap? He is an empowered lawyer. He has seen good money. And if you think because your friend has built a diagnostic centre, you can shut me up, you have another think coming.

Kaka: In addition, he has completed 25 Mega schools. He started by embarking on a comprehensive renovation of primary schools, staff offices and build­ing of quarters for school heads across the state. Then he started building the 25 Mega Schools.

Koko: Which one is mega school sef? School na school.

Kaka: Bush man, what do you know? They are called mega schools because of the sophisticated in­frastructure provided in them. Every mega school has 12 classrooms; 75 KVA generator; a water scheme; computer theatres; and well equipped laboratories. There are other facilities like large multipurpose halls that can seat 2000, open play ground and sports facilities. These schools also have headmas­ters/headmistress’ quarters. To make sure, no cat­egory of Bayelsans is left out, some of the schools also have befitting six-classroom blocks and living quarters for the physically challenged.

Koko: Ehn ehn?

Kaka: Is that all you can say? There are also roads, bridges, flyovers, youth empowerment pro­grammes etc. There is in fact an airport nearing completion so Bayelsans won’t need to first land in neighbouring airports on their way home.

Koko: No wonder the man can’t spare money for the boys.

Kaka: But isn’t everything for the boys at the end of the day? Nigerians really need to make up their minds whether they want to ‘obtain’ their gov­ernors for quick cash or allow them to deliver real dividends. Because there is really no short cut to the top of a palm tree.

Koko: Unless the climber wants to break his spine. But wait o, the APC aspirants are also there working to take Countryman governor’s job.

Kaka: Maybe, maybe not. Me, I think the APC politicians are working for PDP.

Koko: Abomination. They really want to take over power from Dickson.

Kaka: No, I think they are too busy speaking plenty grammar instead of focussing on the matter at hand. When you are carrying an elephant on your head and searching for an ant with your toe, the con­sequences are never palatable.

Koko: In other words, serious opposition aspi­rants do not expend energy on abducting and threat­ening sitting governors during primaries.

Kaka: A governor like Oshiomhole too.

Koko: The man was in the trenches for too long for one primary election in Bayelsa to cow him. Comrade thrives on things like that. Didn’t you see the long stream of adjectives he released on the mat­ter?

Kaka: Methinks there is confusion in the camp of the enemy.

Koko: Or the PDP is using juju to cause confu­sion in the APC camp.

Kaka: Hmmm, that may be it. I don’t put any­thing past PDP. Add that to the fact that the Bayelsa First Lady is a prayer warrior.

Koko: APC needs to be careful. PDP is deter­mined to keep what remains of its territory. And ha­rassing a man like Oshiomhole is always bad busi­ness. If the wife of a policeman slaps you or you slap her, you are still the one in trouble.

 

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